so here it is 1:15 a.m. and i can’t sleep. too much on my mind these days, my old friend Aaron will be home (back to New York) in the next day or two and I am stoked beyond belief, it’s been far to long and a much overdue reunion is in store, at least i’m hoping. and i know i’m just rambling on and most probably could care less but I need to talk to someone/something and this will have to suffice. one thing you should know is that he’s more than just an old friend, he’s an old boyfriend and this whole situation makes me nervous as hell. we’ve been talking again for awhile now and we both discovered that we still have feelings for one another but, neither of us know what and if anything will come of this and we’re both a little confused because of it. he’s in the navy, stationed in Nevada and is about to be deployed to Afghan in February until March 2013. what the hell do i do? we both know the stress this could cause and the things we’d sacrifice to make this work, but i’m more than willing to do so, i’m prepared to wait his deployment out and to try a long, long distance relationship with him because my feelings for him never quite faded, i’ve been walking around with the “what if” for about 6-7 years now and i need to give this a go just to see if there’s anything left or we’ll be better off as just remaining friends which i wouldn’t mind in the least but i need to settle the whole what if situation. and just as if it seems this is enough on my plate, guess again. then there’s my friend Shane, one of my best friends actually and to say the least he likes me, a lot and i do have feeling for him as well be just he’s so good of a person I don’t want to run the risk of ruining a friendship. and at the end of the day i always find myself thinking back to Aaron. and i feel terrible, i really do but its just i cant get over my Aaron situation but I know that Shane is what’s good for me because he’s here and I know he’d give me the world and he would love a relationship. and it’s hard because he’s there for me all the time and he listens to me ramble on and on about Aaron and he understands but i cant help but to know that it is tearing him up inside no matter how much or how little it is and just knowing that kills me. and i’ll leave it at that, i won’t bore you with my romance mood kill any longer. it’s now 1:36 a.m. and time to attempt some sleep with the aid of pandora. goodnight tumblr.